Believe me when I say: this is the Dark Knight’s toughest journey.

What up nerds, Andrew here saying that I sometimes wish I could go back to my 8-year-old self and smack that damn Sega Genesis controller out of my hand. (Did anyone else think that the Genesis controller was a clunky version of a batarang?  Maybe I tricked myself into believing this to make myself feel better about my parents getting me a Sega instead of the Super Nintendo.)  Day after day I would play this game:

Yeah. This was a game. And it was a BAD game.

As often as I played this game, I could never get past the first level (I hope to Batman that I wasn’t the only one).  I thought it was supposed to be a regular side-scrolling Batman game, and while it was that, it also wasn’t that.  Get what I’m saying?  I’m saying it sucked.  The baddies were tough to kill, the grappling hook (which I didn’t even know was in the game until I was a teenager) was so terrible that you couldn’t navigate the level.  The doors to move on to the next level were so damn hard to find, it was like trying to find a nerd at a frat party.  It just would never happen for me.  Out of frustration, I would yank out the game and put in some Mortal Kombat 2 to ease the pain…and yet…while playing MK 2, I could see Jim Carrey doing his weird flailing-arm-tube-man routine on the game cover…laughing at me…laughing…and in that horrible outfit with that horrible hair-do!!!  No…Justice must be served.

So, like Batman, I rose out of the bog of eternal stench and popped that baby back in, repeating these words: “I think I can, I think I can” over and over (because that’s the only way to beat games).  The sweat from my brow leaking into my left eye.  I cried and screamed in agony from the searing, salty pain while still throwing batarangs at thugs and trying to find an exit to the first damn level.  Must…keep…going…

Who am I kidding?  This game sucks so much that I couldn’t even push through after multiple tries.  I’m done with this game.

Over the years Batman games released, one after another after another.  These were dark times indeed.  We needed a hero, we needed hope.  We needed…

This is the game we deserved AND the game we need right now.

You ever wonder what it’s like to become Batman?  This game gave you that opportunity.  This was amazing, from the character design, to the level design, and to figuring out ways to use your gadgets to progress through the game.  After several missions you  can upgrade your weapons and gadgets and even unlock new ones.  The boss fights (except for the last one) were fantastic.  Everything about this game freaking ruled (except for the last boss fight).

And just when I thought I had been given the best gift of all time, Rocksteady announced the sequel, Arkham City.  I felt like an 8-year-old again.  I was just so happy with life.  I know Neil will disagree with me, but Arkham Asylum and Arkham City are the BEST Batman Video Games ever made.  Ever.  There is no argument to this.

Maybe I should get Batman to go back in time and slap that Batarang Genesis controller out of my hand, and let me ride on his back while he glides across the city.  Neverending Story style:

YEAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!

Except Falcor fights crime instead of staring at Atreyu awkwardly.

 

-Andrew

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